It’s not because she’s young.

It’s not that she’s seriously ill

It’s not that I don’t know what it is that’s made her helpless.

It’s not that the only reason that she is standing is because her husband is struggling to hold her up.

It’s not when she goes into a seizure and becomes incontinent.

It’s not me being covered in her urine as I help her husband lower her to the floor on the crowded landing.

It’s not the possibility that she could die from this illness or be permanently disabled.

It’s not the way she looks at me with utter terror in her eyes.

None of those things kept me awake tonight.